Well, it’s August again and, here at FNOM, we‘ve just finished our annual trawl through the year’s CCTV from Middlesbrough Council and Cleveland Constabulary to bring you some of the funniest and amusing things caught on camera in Middlesbrough over the last 12 months.
Here are the top 5.
The Linthorpe Road Trees
It was a very windy but throughout the night between the hours of 3am and 6am, two neighbouring trees were constantly bending towards each other, and as one researcher commented, ‘They looked like they were actually trying to kiss each other and the male tree seemed very pleased with himself indeed.’ Of course, there is nothing particularly funny about kissing, it’s just because they’re trees and you don’t usually associate trees with kissing.
Small Dogs Steal Kebab
A small dog can be seen begging for food at the feet of a man sitting on a bench eating a kebab. The man can be seen trying to kick the dog away and, although there is no audio, shouting ‘fucking fuck off’ while he’s eating his ‘fucking kebab.’ They may not have been his exact words but, you can bet your bottom dollar, we won’t be too far off.
The dog disappears but returns two minutes later with a gang of about 30 other small dogs and absolutely kick the shit out of this stingey old fucking twat who wouldn’t give away any of his fucking precious kebab. They take his kebab, throw it on the ground in front of him, and then the first small dog produces 5 cans of Pedigree Chum that they’ve just stolen from the local Tesco Express. You couldn’t write it.
Pork Pies Fall Off the Back of a Delivery Truck
The pies fall off the back of the truck and within minutes there is absolute pandemonium. Car drivers and pedestrians all pile in trying to eat as many of the pork pies as they can before the police arrive. The truck driver stands by helplessly but then decides to join in with the joy and merriment.
Then the fighting starts as the number of pies starts to diminish and people become more desperate for pie. This is followed by the climax of over 2000 people being physically sick in the middle of the road when they realise the pies are all 6 months past their use by date and actually destined for the local pig farms in Whinney Banks. Not even the driver knew.
Man Takes Candy From a Baby
Literally, a man walks up to a baby and takes her candy. Not particularly funny in a comedic sense, more the irony of it all.
Dancing Man Decked
A man can be seen dancing as a local busker plays a disco version of Labyrinth’s, Beneath Your Beautiful. He continues for 5 minutes until he is approached by 2 men who hit him over the head with squash racquets, pointing at the busker, as if to say they’re trying to listen to the fucking music and don’t need to be distracted by some fucking obnoxious prick taking the fucking piss because he’s pissed up at 2 in the afternoon. Again, it’s not classic comedy, but somehow satisfyingly amusing.
We hope you enjoyed our choice, particularly the trees one, because that’s just lovely. If you have any CCTV footage you think is funny in a literal or ironic sense, then please send it to FNOM@hottail.eu.uk. and we will watch it.
Fantastic News of Middlesbrough 