This is the first extract from our new book, Confessions of a Middlesbrough Juggler, which will be released in January 2022.
He’d only had his new juggling balls for 30 minutes when suddenly the phone rang. He looked at the screen. It was Wendy, the manager of the last and only surviving juggling club in the whole of Middlesbrough, The Jolly Juggler and Working Men’s Club. ‘Why would she be calling me at this time when she knows I’ve only just got my new juggling balls, and that I’ll need to get some practice in with them,’ he thought to himself as he swiped right to accept the call.
‘Hi, Wendy.’
‘Hi Lars, sorry to bother you but the juggling act we’d booked for tonight has had to drop out at the last moment. Something to do with a sneezing fit and putting his back out. I know it’s a liberty and short notice, but is there any chance you could fill in? We’ve got a full house tonight and we don’t want to let the punters down.’
‘Wendy, you know ordinarily I would, but I’ve worked the last 37 nights in a row and was really looking forward to having a few days off. Also, I want to get to know my new juggling balls and get some quality time in with them before I perform in front of a live audience. Is there no-one else you could ask?’
‘We’ve tried everyone. They’re all booked up. You’re our last resort, really.’
‘Oh well, thanks for that. When do you need to know by?
‘We’ll need to know in the next half hour, mate. You’d be doing The Jolly Juggler a massive favour if you can, and listen, we’ll pay you double your usual fee.’
‘Alright, Wendy. I’ll phone you back in half an hour. Let me see how I get on with my new juggling balls. Speak soon.’
He put the phone down and opened his box of new juggling balls, and started to juggle. First with 3, then with 4, then with 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! He had never juggled this many balls in his entire life. Every time he picked a new ball out of the box, it just seemed to fit in seamlessly with his juggling sequence, and with an ease he had simply never experienced before. It was effortless, sublime. The balls were bouncing off the walls and the ceiling and straight back into his hands, as he threw them higher and higher and they spun round faster and faster at such a dazzling speed, it was almost impossible for him to see them. After 20 minutes of juggling his 10 new juggling balls, he fell to the ground out of sheer exhaustion, but with an exhilaration that filled his whole body with such joy and happiness he began to laugh uncontrollably.
He lay there for another 10 minutes, now quite still and calm. He would do the show, and anyway the extra money would come in useful, and allow him to visit his sister in Oslo who he hadn’t seen for almost 5 years now. He picked up his phone and dialled Wendy.
‘Hi Wendy, it’s Lars. Listen, I’ll do the show tonight. What time do you want me there?’
‘Oh, don’t worry about it, Lars. You’re too late and we don’t need you now. I did tell you 30 minutes. Mad Micky Butler had his Sunderland gig cancelled, a salmonella outbreak I think, and he’s going to fill in. Had to offer to pay him 3 times his usual money, mind. Apparently, he got these new balls from the same place you got yours, and he says they’re absolutely magic. 10 balls he said, mad bastard. Anyway, you just chill and enjoy your few days off. See ya.’
He put the phone down and picked up his new juggling balls but they just wouldn’t juggle. No matter how hard he tried, they just wouldn’t juggle.
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